To start off things is to explain myself. I am the youngest person in peer group and yet i am the most mature than the rest. this is due to the events that transpire to bring me here on this website. let me start by telling you that i was the loner in the family. more along the lines of the laughing stock of the dysfunctional family, but isn’t everyone’s family dysfunctional? i would say indeed yes due to the fact that there is no ideal family. as much as you would like the ideal family, you will never achieve this perfection. i’ve grown in a family of ten, 2 older half brothers, 3 older sisters, 2 older brothers, and 2 younger brothers. yes indeed this is a big number for a family but that is life. all my life i never found the label that society would give me, except for things like outcast, loser, waste of sperm, etc. i never cared what people thought of me, because i couldn’t deny what accusations people would place under the picture of my school yearbook. i always knew i was different, but i embrace my differences from everyone due to the fact that this is who i am. no one is like me for that sake and i want to keep it that way.
So knowing that, you should guess how i was during school. alone, in solitary confinement from what the other children call the experience of childhood. My childhood was spent escaping the binds that my older brother would place on my person. sometimes he would handcuff me to a post in the bathroom and place the key on the toilet back assembly and he forced me to stay there until i can escape. well, considering that there was only one exit i had to fight my way out. even then, it didn’t go so well for me. i would either end up back at square one or in a different place where it became more difficult to escape his torment. so i was the guinea pig for his sick designs of studying the human capacity of panic and fear.
let’s move on to my high school career. surprisingly enough i was consider the kid that might shoot up the school. though it has crossed my mind, i would never done such an act of destruction. due to the fact that it would seal my fate being labeled that. this is when i gained friends that i thought i would be accepted. but to my dismay, that wasn’t the case. being a Mormon at the time, i got ridiculed for that too. then i joined the military. as you would think, people mocked me for that and told me that i will fail and never man up to such a service. but when the day came when i had to leave my home and go out to find my place in life, sadness struck at home. my girlfriend at the time, was the only person who actually cared to see me off.
now it’s been four months and i come back to the beautiful land of arizona. and i was happy, for once everyone show their love for me and i never wanted it to end. but it did. like most things in life, it has to end. well a month later i start delving into the drug scene. i started on the famous shit called spice, when it was legal at the time, and then i tried shrooms for the first time. the experience i received from this powerful substance changed everything. though i didn’t know it at the time, i was embarking on the journey that no man would dare go unless you know how you will react to such profound manifestations of the fabrics of reality. i also started using extacy. this is when i started using drugs to block out the things i couldn’t face. yes, at the time, i was a coward to face reality. learning that my girlfriend was abusive emotionally and sexually.
it was october when i hit rock bottom. my mom was planning to disown me for my girlfriend. my older brother actually had an intervention with me due to the fact that she was killing me slowly. she text me non-stop, freak out when i didn’t reply, etc. well one night i take shrooms to trip with my friends. i sat there going through my computer when i found pictures of her. this is when the drug took hold. in my altered mind, i heard people tell me the truth about her. hearing my older brother and my mother voices echo in my head like bees on a harvest. i had to end it. the love that i thought was there was a fisaude. she didn’t love me. she dreamed of having me locked up, chained to a wall in a closet. away from everyone, forever. so the next day, i dumped her like she was a prom night dumpster baby.
now i recently came out of the closet sharing a love for both sides of the gene pool. i was still using, because i chose not to live a sober life. i find sobriety to be dull and never changing. hence why i stuck close to psychedelics. they change the world in strange ways. in doing so i take these wonderful tools to benefit myself in learning who i am. i’ve gone to the point of ego death. it’s rare to do this due to the visual’s intensity. but did i love it? yes i did! this was the moment i was looking for my whole life. the one thing that will change how i see life forever. i killed my ego by taking an extract called psilocybin. 4-PO-DMT. and i went on to see life changed to the point of no return. i was alone at one point, this is when i was tested to see how i could handle myself alone. let me tell you, it was intense. i felt as if i was in danger out in the open. so i asked my second older brother for a pick up and i got my ticket to a safe haven.
now it’s February. i meet the person of my life. the one who love the same things i do. with more to share with me. he showed me the other side of me that i knew was there, but never learned how to embrace it. we started out as a casual encounter, then it happened. we fell in love with each other. he showed me a world where people are accepted for who they are. i was happy for the first time in my life. for once i found how life can be beautiful by people seeing beyond the perceptions of their own mind. a world that the appearance was a tideous manner that society placed on us to control what they saw as fitting to their liking. well one day, i was attacked by my youngest brother, not surprised due to he has no fuse at all. so he can explode about the littlest thing. well the thing that makes it worse was the other younger one joined his side of the fight when he was using a knife to kill me. why they attacked you may ask? there are many reasons, one they didn’t like the new lifestyle i embraced. two, they were using me to support their drug habit and since i started spending time with my new love, they felt threatened. so in turn they try to erradicate the one who they were using for their gain. kinda like a “if i can’t have him, no one can” senerio. so the cops were called and they forced me to leave my mother’s home. yes, they sent me away while those two vaginas get to stay and no charges on them. eventhough they tried to kill me.
so now here we are, for the first time, i’m on my own. i live in a house that channels energy like a Tesla coil. i’m with the love of my life and i’m happy. the label i was looking for never existed. i came to realize that life has no labels. so there is no point to find one if it doesn’t exist. but if i had to give myself one, it would be called tripster. i listen to indie, techno, and psychedelic music. i trip on psychedelics for spiritual and philosophical health and my life story would be considered indie. yep… tripster